The Question We All Ask...Reflections on WHY

 

Why, God?

A faith that can’t be tested is a faith that can’t be trusted.

                                                                 --Adrian Rogers

We had services for my brother recently. He died unexpectedly just 5 days after we buried my father.

We asked why.

Here we were, looking forward to Saturday, one week following our dad’s service, feeling like the family would be able to finally breathe… it had been a long couple of months since Dad was sick.

We thought we could exhale.  Instead, we held our breath.

We asked why.

Why him? Why my (little)brother? Why now?

He died on a Thursday.  That Friday, the family gathered at a relative’s house and held each other and cried and looked through old photo albums.

We felt a mixture of disbelief and shock, anger and sorrow at this sudden loss. 

When we close our eyes, he was still here with us.

But when we opened them again, we felt his absence.  How could this happen? Dad, we knew, was dying. He was older and ill. We can understand his passing. But my brother? So sudden. Unexplainable. Puzzling! 

Why?! It doesn't make sense. 

I went to the piano. We were lucky enough to grow up with a piano in the house, so I learned to take my pain to the ivory keys. (In my twenties, I took my fingers to the steel strings.) Either way, music does have healing potential. I thought I would write a song for my brother. 

I used to write songs. 

But in researching for the words for this song, God brought me to a perfect song: It's called Why God? 

And I put down my pencil. 

I watched the songwriter play the guitar and share his testimony. Then I watched the official music video. That was it. I KNEW I'd found the perfect song to play. God found it for me. 

The video takes place in the woods surrounding a large stream. Water represents emotion. (Then there's "Living water" which I'll get to.

In the video, a young man walks through the woods in slow motion. There is commentary heard off screen; his personal testimony. 

We see the man walk across the stream barefoot, jeans rolled up, and sits at a piano (in the middle of the stream!) 

He sits at the piano and starts to play. 

Why God, do people have to die? 

The screen now switches to a woman middle-aged or so who looks distraught, a bit disheveled. 

We see her bend over an empty crib. 

And, why God, do people fall apart? A promise and a ring becomes a broken thing; a road that got too hard...

Next, we see an older man, sitting on an easy chair looking at old framed photos. A close up of his face reveals that he is in pain. 

A little bit later, we see what appears to be an addict of some kind.

People don't become addicts overnight. There is something usually that they are seeking escape from. 

I need to know when it hurts this bad, that you hold my heart when it breaks. And I'm not alone in this pain. 

Little by little at the song goes on, these people leave their "stations of pain" and come to the stream. 

One by one, they "dive" under the water. 

At the end of the song, we see everyone in a room together along with the songwriter and they are sitting in a loose circle, it looks like a support group of sorts? Or maybe even a church or small bible study. The video, and the song is about hope. 

The hope that Jesus offers. 

At the end of the video is Matthew 11:28, "Come to me all you who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest." 

Change of Perspective

The songwriter writes this: 

"God is a good Father who loves our questions. He loves us. So that we can Turn your why into worship, and maybe the 'why God?' moment in your life is exactly why you need Him."

And I knew that song was not only perfect for the ceremony but too good not to share. 

Jesus IS the Living Water; Jesus is life. No one comes to the Father but through Jesus. The minister did recite that scriptrure at the service, not sure if everyone caught it.  

We adjusted to this new reality, we dealt with his cremation and decided to wait a bit before we planned our brother's service.

We chose a date and had a place reserved.

The service was held at our mom’s church in her hometown, about half an hour from where my brother lived.

Then we met with the church on multiple occasions. 

Hundreds of texts and get-togethers and discussions and decisions. 

What food do we serve? Who is making what? What will we need to buy? What does the church not provide? (They were very accommodating.) 

We made our way through our first major holiday (Easter) without him.

His service was planned for the week after Easter. It was a beautiful, reflective, and joyous.

My aunt and I read Bible verses.

My mom and sister shared precious reflections of our brother.

About a dozen members of our church family came to support, as well as SO many friends and family members. It was standing room only!

The music we chose.

Since this is a blog about praise and music, I’m devoting the rest of this post to the music we chose for the service.

Originally, my sister asked me to decide the music. A few days later, my mother called me, insisting that she choose the music. "He’s MY son!" 

I was in the midst of planning a worship night at our church, so I welcomed the one less thing to do, and gladly stepped aside to honor my mother’s wishes.

Mom picked beautiful hymns “All Things Bright and Beautiful,” “A Mighty Fortress is Our God,” and “Amazing Grace.”  And a more modern song called “I Believe.”  

She also wanted the 10 minute “Moonlight Sonata” for the prelude. That was beautiful!

Kevin and I practiced our song during the week. 

At 8 pm Friday night, (the night before the service!), I got a call from the church organist, Todd, who told me he was 43, just one year older than my brother.  He wanted to ask if I had any questions, and confirm the time of arrival for sound check, etc.

Todd was a really nice guy and very skilled pianist and organist, but he did not sing, so guess who got to learn a song THAT morning to sing it?

Me! (Why, God?)

There were hymns interspersed and the reverend asked all to sing along. They had hymnals to follow, but not everyone is interested in singing.

Kevin played piano for “Why God?” at the beginning of the service, and Todd played the piano for the Moonlight Sonata and later while I sang “I Believe.”

Todd played the organ for the hymns.

The service was short enough but rich with readings, stories and song.

Our brother would have been happy and would have felt honored. We, his family, are happy with how it turned out. 

But it’s been wild ride. I still wish he was here, and this service didn’t have to happen. BUT— God has a plan in everything. And I’m just trying to ride on Jesus's coat tails.

In church on Sunday morning, I thanked the members for coming and everyone for praying for my family. My testimony was brief, but I wanted to share how God has uplifted us all during this time of testing. And afterward, sang “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus.”

What’s next?

"What's next," our church secretary asked me as I sat in her office Sunday morning. 

We are all tired but I'm wanting to ride on the momentum coming off of this. I’m exhausted. We all are.  But I can make plans for the next big thing.  Or things. 

And then lay them all in God’s hands.

1 Pet. 1:7 Your faith will be like gold that has been tested in a fire. And these trials will prove that your faith is worth much more than gold that can be destroyed.

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