A Love Story

Recently, Kevin and I celebrated our 14th anniversary. I wanted to reflect on our differences, and a recent conversation we had.  But first, a little background: 

Our first date was on a Valentine's Day. He filled in for one of my bands.

 

Music was the common thread, and one day I mentioned that my band needed a bass player to fill in for our bass player, who was out of town. 

"Is your band playing that night?" I asked. "No, I'd love to fill in," he said, and so we and we drove together, first to and from rehearsal that week and the next. 

We chatted non-stop the whole way there, and the whole way back. And then we played together at the show and chatted the whole way there and the whole way back. And we decided that we would see each other again. Now we also lived in the same apartment building, so that wasn't hard to do. 

In the weeks and months to follow, our friendship grew. 

He'd come downstairs after he came home from work, and we'd often eat dinner together. He'd help me fix my VCR or we'd watch television. He made a big pot of chili and pecan pie and invited me up to watch the Superbowl. We became such great friends that I had to think twice before deciding to date him.  Once we moved past being BEST friends, something unusual happened. I remarked how a girl at work had flowers sent to her. I think he was determined to snag me, because every month (or every special occasion) I would get flowers at my work, from him! (It kind of got embarrassing.) 

And we "tied the knot" in 2008. He continued to sub in my band from time to time, here and there, I joined his band when they were looking to expand female-led songs.

(To be fair, I did audition and was chosen among 10 other women for the role. And, yes, dating the lead guitarist probably didn't hurt.) 

Music continues to be a big part of our marriage as much as it has been a big part of each of our lives before we met.

  

Music healed me, broke me, and then healed me again. 

For him, he just loves it, and found comfort and talent with it. He banged in time to some pots and pans when he was three and was inspired by his older brother who played guitar, so that he too picked up the guitar when he was 12 and never stopped.

We were each in a band when we met, then I was in another band when I joined his band; he was in two other bands. The band we were in together within five years grew to become one of the most popular bands in the state! We led music in our professional band. We opened for big acts, (Gin Blossoms, Foreigner, Rick Derringer) and headlined large country fairs and casinos. Local Channel 3 weatherman Scot Haney LOVED us and when he got a television show we were the first band featured! I wrote and performed original songs, too, for a good cause, but something was missing. 

And then Jesus found us. Our music turned to worship.

To this day, I'd much rather listen to music that glorifies the Lord, as He should be. So, now, we lead music for a worship team. 

And I thought about the differences; the contrast of where we are today and where we were back then and wanted to document them. Below is a recent conversation Kevin and I had. 

"So glad we're not where we used to be," Kevin said, blowing on his coffee. 

"Yea, me too," I said, and snuggled in closer to him, my hands wrapped around my coffee mug.  We were discussing the past and comparing it to today. Still music, still performing; but a million times different.

"I can chart in my head the differences," he said. 

"Mm-hmm, you're good like that.  Can you say them out loud?"

"Yeah, sure." He sits up in his chair. 

"Here's one: Music, or should I say, praise and worship is now Holy-Spirit led, before any music we did, was, let's face it.... it was ego-driven and fueled by a competitive spirit, I guess."

"Oh yeah, go on." 

"Praise and worship has an audience of One, so it becomes a vertical sense of worship. In the secular world, your audience could be thousands. Don't forget we had to please our band mate sand each other too. OUR egos had to be appeased."

 

Gee, don't hold anything back!" I said to him. 

"But, trying to please too many people you' re left with pleasing no one. When you realize you're pleasing God, and you realize He gets the glory." 

"Mmhmm. Last one; ok, you ready? It's kind of a big one," he said.  

"I can't wait. What is it?" 

He pounds his hands on the back seat, imitating a drum roll. 

"Baah...da-da-da-da-da-dummmm.... here it goes...marriage was discouraged in the secular world." 

I almost burst out laughing. "That's ridiculous!" 

"You did have to hide your wedding ring at gigs and in pictures. 

And remember that just people knowing we're a couple was seen as a threat?"

 

I rolled my eyes. 

"You mean, to the band as a whole?" 

He was right. It WAS us against the band, not to us, but thanks to some clever gas lighting early on from other band members, a very mean band member, it became more believable later. I remember once I got off social media (to take a break for other reasons) and the rumors started flying. "Are you guys getting divorced?" was the "hot" topic at that year's Christmas party. I remember thinking that seemed so petty. But, it angered Kevin.

"Exactly," he continued.  "They used to attack us individually and get us to turn on each other...You do remember the underwear?" 

Once, we came home from a band show to find hot pink lace underwear inside of Kevin's leather jacket. We just laughed. We assumed a bandmate wanted to play a trick on us, or worse. Cause us to fight. They tried but did not succeed. Thankfully. 

"So, in this world... what do we see, instead?"

"Support for couples, for one.  If someone has a problem, they come to the person individually to work it out, and when one gets praised, it's credited to us as a team.

  

"That's a great list," I said.

Oh! And just one more... there was something else glaringly wrong in the secular world, as well. 

"Go on."

"I used to see you as my trophy; my physical trophy and I was proud to be on stage with you. Well... my ego was, but for all the wrong reasons." 

"I remember..." I said. 

"Today, I see you as my life's partner and my equal, and a union that God has blessed and that I have a responsibility to put Him first. You ARE My trophy, but not in that shallow sense. It's deeper, now. "

"Thanks, babe. That's really sweet. Thanks for sharing your list." I smiled, but I'm sure my eyes were glistening, a little.

Yeah, and I heard him swallow hard, something he does when he gets emotional, too. He stood up and half smiled. 

"Now, I'm going to go pour another cup of coffee." 

Prov. 143:8; Rom. 13:8; Prov. 16:3; Gen. 2:18-24

 

Vanessa Lewis is a freelance writer and editor. She and her husband are worship leaders and direct the music program at their church. Formerly, the pair served in several secular bands for a combined 30 years and have written and composed original songs.  Vanessa has had several articles published in various magazines, and is now pursuing her love of writing fiction, and keeps many blogs.  She blogs about worship at PraiseHimBlog.blogspot.com.

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash